YORUBA MEN ARE CHEATS…OR NOT?!

This write-up is clearly out of my comfort zone in the sense that I don’t usually write on issues like this, but I have been getting this buzz on social media lately that made me yield to ‘Peer pressure’. Yes, Peer Pressure – take note that the ‘Peer’ in this context is just one person! #youknowwho

Nigeria is a country rich with diverse tribes and traditions, with their individual peculiarities. Just like there are good characteristics, there are also bad ones common to people of these tribes. I was speaking to someone some time ago who advised me not to marry from the Eastern part of Nigeria. He gave his reasons which are ‘valid’ even as at today. He also told me not to marry from the South, with its accompanying reasons as well. Then I asked, ‘…what about the North?’ He gave me this stone-cold look and said, ‘…what are you looking for in the North?’ That leaves the West, right?

Then I asked him what the peculiarities of each state of the West were – his answers left me flabbergasted. Apparently, his knowledge of almost every state is so vast that he chose to focus on only the negatives!

Now let’s be honest: I won’t deny that most or all of the things he said about certain tribes are true – I have seen them myself. For instance, he said that people from a particular part of Nigeria tend to be naturally lazy. I took an inventory of everyone I knew that came from this that part of our country, including those that I met after that discussion, and I saw the validity in his point.

But,

Does that mean that everyone from that town is lazy? NO!

Does that mean there are no well-to-do indigenes of this town? NO!

Does that mean that all lazy Nigerians are from this part of Nigeria? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I have met Calabar ladies who are decent

I have met core Hausas who are not Muslims

I have met Ijebus who are quite generous with money

I have met Benin people who know nothing about witchcraft

I have met Benue ladies who are not sexually immoral

I have met Igbos who are not business-inclined

So why would anyone want to generalize all Yoruba men as cheats? It’s a mere coincidence that I am Yoruba, so please pardon me if it seems I’m trying to ‘drum support’ against this notion.

Stereotypes have robbed many people of good things. There are a lot of people, especially ladies, who have passed the ‘prime age’ of marriage just because they refused advances from men of a particular tribe– prime age because the fear of menopause is the beginning of __________. Fill in the blanks.

Yorubas cheat, but is it only their men that cheat? How about their women? Who do they cheat with, antelopes or trees? Why blame only the men and not the women they cheat with? Is it only Yorubas that cheat? What of the Igbos, Hausas, Fulanis, Urhobos, Kanuris, Benins, Calabars, Isokos, just to mention a few? Personally, I don’t think it’s an issue of a tribe, but an issue of your values as a person.

For example, there is a belief system that says that women are better cooks than men. Some even say men can’t cook at all! How true are these statements?

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Not taking anything away from the female folks I’ve eaten their meals in the past, but I believe some of the best meals I’ve ever eaten were cooked by men. If you compare the ratio of men and women that cook well, that of women might be more, but this does not translate to ‘Men can’t cook’.

I met a lady some time ago who told me ‘…I hate men!’ I don’t know what her past experiences with men are, but living life every day with that kind of bias would eventually blind her from seeing a good man when one approaches her.

Whether Yoruba or Hausa, Calabar or Kanuri, people cheat for different reasons. That there is a reason doesn’t make the act justifiable.

For example, some men will claim they cheat because their wives lay lifeless in bed during love-making. Some will say their wives are neither spontaneous nor creative in bed. While some women will claim that their husbands ‘time-out’ within seconds of action or he isn’t big enough. Whatever the issue is, most or all of them have accompanying solutions to them which can be worked on by both partners. However, if the cheat is a chronic one; if he can’t do without wanting to get in-between every female thigh he comes across, then the solution can only come from the cheat himself: it is to make a choice to be sexually disciplined and stick to it.

I think I have been able to convince you and not confuse you with these few points of mine that Yoruba men are not chronic cheats like the social media is painting us to be, and it’s also harmful to be stereotypical.

Share your thoughts with me if need be by dropping a comment below or sending me a mail at moyosoreadebayo@gmail.com

Thank you and God bless you.