Misplaced Identity: The girl in the mirror
It has been a while since I posted on Mercy’s Corner. Today I have decided to share a little bit of Mercy (myself) with you. Yes, I love my name and there was a time I was stingy enough to think Mercy(s) were few or I was the only one bearing the name (yes I thought that way).
Well, I received the shock of my life when I found out that the name is a bit common and then in my 500 level, the guys in my class decided to start calling me ‘Mercy Johnson’.😂 Not because we shared any similarity, as a matter of fact, she is dark, I am fair. We don’t look alike and we certainly don’t act the same way. We certainly don’t have the same money yet. They just decided that since she was Mercy and she is famous, I will be pleased with the name.
No, I wasn’t. The fact that we share the same name wasn’t a good reason for my identity to be displaced and replaced with another. I like my Mercy just fine and I wasn’t ready to trade her with another Mercy not even for popularity sake.
Okay, I bet you would say if I was addressed as Dangote or someone else I would not have had an issue with it. Wrong! I would have had an issue with it. I am not them and they are not me. That is the way I see it. There may be certain things I may admire or may not admire as it pertains to these people but I don’t wish their lives were mine.
I appreciate and admire a lot of people and maybe sometimes I have been a bit carried away with them and wished to be like them for a few minutes but at such times I have been able to realize that that is not the right way to think. If there are qualities that I admire about you, I covet them. Did I feel this way a few years back? maybe not. Did I want to change the girl in the mirror a few years back? I certainly wanted to. I didn’t even feel I was a girl some years back.
We all have insecurities and those insecurities no matter how minute they are, have the capacity of limiting us. I will share a few of my experiences with you. While in JSS 1, a few people started telling me how tall I was, including my dad, I was lanky so I looked pretty tall. I was also reserved in school and so when my fellow classmates decided to make a noise and put all of us all in trouble (now I feel like tortoise who decided to be all of us), I realized that when we were asked to stand up as punishment, I could see the top of everybody’s head. I mean everybody! How heartbreaking that was for a young girl like me. Okay, maybe not heartbreaking but I did not like the fact that I was taller than all the guys in my class. So anytime they told us to stand I always bent with my hands on the table so I won’t feel so tall.
Fast forward to Senior Secondary School, I earned the nickname Ronaldinho! Not because I could play football but because they decided I had a similar dentition.
I slowly started hiding my sweet smile…Note that sometimes when people tag you with certain names, it doesn’t necessarily mean that is what you are. Well, I changed school but the thought still haunted me and finally in SS 3, I don’t know how this came up in the dormitory but someone pointed out how I liked hiding my teeth and placing my hands close to my mouth. I had been discovered! Okay, so I didn’t even know I was unconsciously doing that. Although, I remember that during assembly I failed to open my mouth so wide irrespective of how moved I was by the worship.
Now I laugh when my friends call me rabbit teeth. I call myself rabbit teeth at times, in fact I don’t feel so tall anymore and would love to grow a bit more (call me Oliver Twist – I actually wrote twist as tweet, wonder why I was thinking of tweeting) or God could just add the height to my behind, where I am starting to think I need more, okay I know you all are too spiritual for that.
I have wanted a change of identity/features at some stage in my life (as subtle as the thought may have been), change my age, my height, my teeth…However, I look in the mirror now and I see who God has created me to be and daily as I behold myself in a mirror – I am being changed to the image of ‘Christ’ (2 Cor 3:18). Maybe the teeth have even started falling into place. Anyways, right now I want to be more like Christ, that is my identity. I won’t trade Mercy for anything and I don’t think that my family and friends would do the same. You can never insult me with my weaknesses because chances are that I have left there a long time ago. Especially now that I know that in my weakness then his strength is made perfect. Just keep pressing forward!
This is a very long post but at least this makes up for not posting on Mercy’s corner in a long while.
P.s: The Featured image is a year plus and was taken by Holyghost (*That is what they call him, I came to meet the name, as much as I wasn’t okay with it)
See ya!
What's Your Reaction?
Hmmm!Outspoken and confident of herself. I like people who are confident of their looks (outward appearance) but I much more love those who are confident of what they are within. And you did both.
Awesome post. Keep it up.
Thank you Charles P!
You seriously put a smile on my face…..
Thank you Boma, I am glad I did.
Good one. I too have (recently o) taken to obsess about my parallel teeth- they don’t meet. As we grow though I think we are less concerned about what we perceive to be ‘not right’ in the way we look. As for the behind, nahan! I don’t want any more mehn, I am very okay with le flatness.
it’s good to have you back 🙂
Hehe at le flatness. Thanks dear! Truely as we grow older somethings don’t matter anymore.
i noticed the featured image like u advised, she’s beautiful. call her beautiful Mercy if u want. the article is expressive and inspiring. Kudos
Thanks Samuel! you are the only one that saw the beauty and complimented.
probably bcos i hav very good eyes.took after mum…*smiles
Lolz…I am sure she is as proud of you, as you are of her.
happy birthday too! gosh how did i leave that out
Samuel it isn’t my birthday till March 18th…Looking forward to your birthday wishes on that day.
ouch! my bad. hangover i guess
I smiled to heart, or smiled out loud, too. It’s funny how similarity heals. I got MANY of these that haunted me, and even when I changed environment to begin afresh, it’s like some demons never left. This is my strength at the moment: “Sometime or another we all must face our dragons and slay them, lest they torture us for the rest of our lives.”
And I never got the chance to tell you how your generous Ronaldinho smiles comfort and brighten someone who feels all eyes are judging him.
Wow! Just seeing this! Thank you!
Hmm very poetic Niyi! I believe that in passing through some of these things we get to relate/understand that people may have things that they are dealing with and in understanding this we become more compassionate. I am happy this made you smile and I trust you are doing great.
I know that feeling.. Just exactly the same way I feel when I am called Cynthia Morgan…. The truth indeed sets us free.. As we begin to know the truth about who we are in Christ we become free from who we are not…
Oh really! Wow! I can imagine the feeling…Yes, in Christ we have true freedom indeed. Thanks for reading Cynthia.
I am glad that I read this post. Sincerely, I had been tagged certain names. Focusing on them, inhibited my next move of progress. Thank God, I am no longer there. Anyone hungry to tag me should know that ‘I am who my Father says I am’
Preach it sis!
Mercy nice piece!!!! I had a similar experience with you. I was very very handsome when I was a toddler so I was the taste of everyone but during my teenage age I started changing, my dentition was nothing to write about, I was very very lean, I had big ears, small eyes and I felt the only good thing in my life was my School results. I really hated the guy I see in my mirror. I had serious low self esteem I couldn’t talk to ladies or even snap pictures. It even affected me when I entered the University till my 300 Level. But I thank God for bringing great friends in my life that really helped me to overcome my esteem issues and I thank God for the gym center in my hostel ****all smiles**** now people complain that am too over confident. The truth is the you, u see is the u every one will surely see. So fall in love with yourself first before people around u will will feel the transfer of that love just as heat transfer (conduction)
Great lesson Tega! Really the value you place on yourself is what others will place on you. I Never knew you felt that way and I am glad you were able to overcome those feelings. Thank God for you!
Big Sis. For in our seemingly looking weaknesses, God has perfected strength. I am proud of u. Higher heights
Amen Sis! Xx
Wao, Meme, I am so proud of the woman you have grown into Mooooooreee grace !!!
Thanks mum